PEAK TO PEAK — “I’m not excited that school is starting up again already. Summers are so fun for our family with summer camps, sleepovers, camping/rafting trips, out-of-town visitors, and lots of outdoor time. And I’m not going to lie—mornings in our house are terrible. With kids, dogs, cat, East Coast time zone meetings, it’s crazy!” Paul sank into the cushy chair in frustration. 

“What are mornings like over the summer?” I asked, curious about the differences. Their summer sounded as busy as the school year, so it didn’t quite make sense. 

“My mother-in-law stays with us over the summer, and she was in charge in the mornings. Plus my wife works for a school so she has summers off,” Paul explained. 

The Roosevelt Institute reports that 62.4 million parents, most of whom are paid workers (69% and up, depending on family type), are raising 72.7 million children here in the US. Almost 50% of children under age 5 and 37% of children ages 5-10 years old spend time in grandparent care. The Educator’s Room reports 48% of public school teachers have children of their own at home. 

Paul’s family, along with millions of other families, utilizes what is known as the “Patchwork System” for their childcare, which includes his mother-in-law, a couple of neighbors, other parents, paid options such as summer camps and after-school programing, and his wife’s flexible work schedule.

Through their complicated matrix they can manage their children’s schedule and care, and the kids experience a diversity of activities, people, influences, and environments. The challenge of the matrix is that when one thing changes—or multiple things change—the system can temporarily fall apart, creating high levels of stress for all involved.    

Additionally, times of transition offer heightened stress and require more support, which for Paul’s family is the moment when their support decreases as his mother-in-law leaves and his wife returns to her full-time job at school. 

So when our systems get stressed and our resources decrease, it’s time to go back to the basics. Over the summer the family enjoyed homemade breakfasts—scrambled eggs, sausage, and fruit and veggie smoothies—and the kids each got to pick out their outfit for the day with grandma helping create their look. 

“Is there time in the kids’ bedtime routine to choose an outfit for the morning?” I asked Paul.

“There is, but it’s annoying. I know it’s time to make these kinds of changes, but I don’t want to. I like our summer patterns,” he complained.

Our neural pathways get used to habits and, especially during times of stress, it can feel difficult to choose a different direction. 

Paul and I discussed some potential options: meal prepping for breakfast on the weekends, simplifying menus, moving some morning prep to the night before, and hiring a friend’s teenage daughter to help out for 30 minutes every morning with the pets on her way to school. 

Although they all felt like small changes, the impact was positive and soon the family’s stress level had decreased and the new system felt like the norm. What small changes might help your family as the kids head back to school? 

I always appreciate hearing your experiences at amy@peaktopeakcounseling.com, 303-258-7454, and you can find past articles at peaktopeakcounseling.com or find us at facebook.com/peaktopeakcounselingservices.

Sources for this article are from these sites bit.ly/4q4KVhm and bit.ly/4g0oJQI.