“There’s no point to anything,” Tom explained. “I do all the things. My grades are fine, I do a sport every season, I help out with wood and outdoor projects at home. My family’s fine, we do some stuff together, and I see friends on the weekend. But what’s the point? I just do all this so I can graduate, and go to college, and graduate again, and get a job, and be just like my parents?” 

The BBC Global reports that 3 out of 5 teens say their lives lack a sense of purpose or meaning. 

“Are you feeling depressed?” I asked. 

Teens these days use “therapy speak,” or psychological terms in everyday language as descriptions of experiences, not necessarily as diagnoses. 

It’s important to take some time to make sure you and the teen are using the same definition of these words, but Tom and I have been working together for a while, so I know we’re on the same page. 

“Nah,” Tom shook his head. “I’m not sad or skipping school or anything, I just feel like there’s no point to me doing all these things. Like they’re all empty.” 

Michael Steger in the journal “World Psychiatry” explains that we experience meaning in our lives based on coherence (feeling our lives are consistent and make sense), purpose (striving for long-term goals we believe in), and significance (recognizing that we matter). 

Tom is experiencing a coherent life and believes that he is significant. However, he is missing a bigger purpose of why, or a personal goal. 

“I want my family to be financially stable. I want to be able to pay my bills, have adventures, pay for my kid’s college, all of it! But I don’t want to have to work all the time. My parents' generation (Gen Xers) didn’t do us any favors. Corporate America thinks we should be available 24/7, especially with global companies and time zone issues. Well, I’m not going to do that. But I don’t know what to do, either.” Norman is in couples counseling with his wife Tina, exploring the next steps for both of them in their careers. 

Lurie Children’s Hospital in Chicago reports that 4 out of 5 millennial parents prioritize children over their careers, 58% find it hard to balance work and home life, and a recent Aflac Workforces Report cites 66% of millennials say they feel “moderate” or “high” levels of burnout at work. 

“No matter how much time I spend with my kids, I feel guilty,” Tina shared. “I know about Mom guilt. It’s all over social media. My mom says it’s just a part of this time in my life and my friends all relate, but it doesn’t help. No matter what I do, I’m just not doing enough,” Tina’s eyes filled with tears. 

30% of Millennial moms compare their parenting success to others on social media, 1 in 3 millennial parents say their family members question their parenting techniques, 88% say their parenting style is different from how they were raised, but 73% believe they parent better than their parents, according to Lurie Children’s Hospital. 

Norman feels strongly about his purpose and his significance, but is struggling to put together a coherent structure for his daily life. Tina faces challenges regarding feeling insignificant and constructing a coherent life plan, but feels strongly about her purpose to both be a mom and a success in her career.  

At our next session Tom and I focused on career counseling (even though he’s still in high school!). We started exploring the moments during his daily life (present and past) where he was happy, excited, and passionate about the activity. We also talked about what he wanted his future to look like and, bringing all of that information together, began forming some potential goals. 

Tina and Norman together needed to create a solid daily/weekly/monthly structure that worked for them and their kids. We brainstormed some different formulas and they tried them out, flexing as needed, until we found a reasonable setup for their family. From that foundation, I worked with Norman on creative career ideas to get him to his purpose (financial stability and family time), and with Tina on her self-esteem in this new phase of her life.  

Meaning is a critical component of a healthy life, and as Michael Steger reports,  a protective factor against loneliness, mental illness challenges, stress, and decreased quality of life, among other issues. Where might you need to adjust your experience to include coherence, purpose, and significance?

I always appreciate hearing your experiences at amy@peaktopeakcounseling.com, 303-258-7454, and you can find past articles at peaktopeakcounseling.com or find us at facebook.com/peaktopeakcounselingservices.